Chickens

Having not heard from the awesome guy that I had gone on a bunch of dates with lately, and was starting to get the gut feeling that he wasn't as into me as it seemed, I sent him a text saying the following:

"Hey, I don't know if we lost momentum, you're busy or you met someone else; so I just wanted to say that I really enjoyed spending time with you."

This is his response:

"Aww, thank you. I really had fun too! Have been super busy. I'd like to hang out again soon. But as friends and not in the romantic way if that makes sense.

Me: "Yep. bummer."

Ok, for any guys reading this, if you are not interested in a girl "romantically" don't tell her you want to raise chickens at her place!!! This implies that you want to spend time there, or possibly even, move in.

There are a lot of other 'don'ts' that happened as well (don't make her dinner, take her ice skating, talk about having kids, or any other things that may be deemed "romantic".) but we won't get into them. Basically, your vocabulary should only consist of words in the present or past tense.

I was thrilled about the chickens, and that he grows his own kale. I was even starting to think about how freakin' blonde our kids would be (he's blonder than me, a toehead) and Viking like. I mean basically our kids would come out of the womb with axes, Nordic beards and speaking Swedish! They'd be so Swedish they'd raid and pillage Ikea and re-claim Solvang for their hunting ground and lingonberry farm.

I digress...

So, this led me to the question that I really don't want the answer to, "What is wrong with me?" For quite some time, my love life has been riddled with rejection. Yes, this is the universe telling me that I'm in an intense degree program and really don't have time for guys, but I am still lonely.

Instead I call up a close friend (or 3), one of who which explains to me that I am THE TRIFECTA.

Smart.

Pretty.

and, um... I forgot the third, a nice ass or something.

She was a great support, and gawfed wonderfully at the ridiculous of the text message. Yet I am still at a loss. Confused. I really thought that he liked me, there was tangible evidence to support this claim. But I don't know what happened. We could have had chickens together.

Moment of weakness

Some days you just feel like a fat whale who will be lonely and single forever...

The Silent but Deadly Text

In comprising this list of text messages that can ultimately help you lose a girl, I failed to realize that NOT texting can be as detrimental as sending a deal breaker text. It is the equivalent of hanging up on someone, or not responding to an email. If this was World War II and I was writing to my beloved, NOT receiving a timely letter correspondence would most likely mean that he had been killed (or had been captured, realized his love for Ryan's privates, or had been cleverly hiding in Budapest disguised as a woman.) The point being, if this was any time in the past, no response could be construed as someone's unfortunately tragic death! Just to give us some perspective.

Why do I bring this up? Today I received two text messages from potential suitors. One I had not heard from since January 2nd! And we still haven't met (yes, this is someone I've pseudo met from an online dating site). He engaged in some friendly banter, then disappeared again.
The second was someone I've been on a few dates with. I contacted him around 2pm, and didn't hear back until after 9pm. I responded with a clever, yet fun and inviting text, and then heard nothing again for 45 minutes.
To me, I have come to expect a text message in maybe 3-4 hours after the initial text. I could be way out of the ballpark on this one, but 13 days? 7 hours? In my honest opinion, this doesn't say to me, "I like you." I am open for discussion, but my point of view is that communication, especially silence, tells more than we think it does. While I firmly believe that "...a wise man knows when to shut up." I also believe that a fool takes a long time to text back.