Ironically, I am addicted to certain romcoms.
Yes, there are a few. But the ones I'd like to discuss today, are of a certain theme. And that theme is:
Fuck buddies
I actually think both these movies came out at the same time; Friends with Benefits & No Strings Attached.
Of course I own both of these. Because a) I love all 4 of these actors: Kunis, Timberlake, Kutcher, and Portman and b) wait, why do I own these movies???
I was watching No Strings Attached, AGAIN, and while I like all of these movies for their witty banter, and oh yeah, Shaun White is in one of them (swoon) (shut up, yes he's short and a ginger, but still...*kinda swoon*) they are "supposed" to be inclusive of the male's POV, unlike other romcoms.
Seriously, that's what they claim.
So, as I'm watching this, and whilst applauding Mila and Natalie for being the strong female whom the guy falls for first; I thought to myself..."Self, you have NEVER had that experience." While I can relate to being the tough, strong female lead, the "friends with benefits" I've had, have NEVER fallen for me.
Thus, I decided to do a timeline of my own "friend's with benefits". All of which didn't fall for me, and THEY were the one's who ended it. Thus contradicting both of these movies.
2004/2005: The earliest fuck buddy I can recall was right after college. I was a bit older, having gone back to college, but still in a young, impressionable state. He was the best friend of my college boyfriend (high five, that bastard deserved for me to sleep with his best friend). Though, in defense, we had flirted WAY before I dated said bastard. We had a fun time, and then he flaked on me, and I called it quits. DO NOT keep a girl waiting; in this crazy world, we can't afford to give extra chances.
1997: Ok, this is no longer in chronological order, because I just remembered a pseudo friend with benefits. This was in high school, when we were still figuring things out. We weren't sleeping together, because we were young. But I would drive over to his house late at night, throw pennies at his window, and he'd let me in. We kept up this escapade for a while, and then one night he told me how he had the hots for my best friend.
W
T
F
And how he was going to ask her to our senior prom.
Seriously.
She didn't know about us, and so, I feigned disinterest, and one night he had a big party... during which he asked her to prom (And I ran through the sprinklers in bewilderment, and to chill the fuck out). A bunch of us crashed at his place, including my best friend, in his room; while my lower grade best friend tried to calm me down about the whole situation since we were sleeping on the couches in the living room. I think I told the friend about it later. She was appalled and told me how her whole family couldn't believe she went to prom with someone whose face looked like a fish.
I got back at him though, by sleeping with his girlfriend. And then a whole love triangle ensued, and now I'll never date girls.
Anyway...
Next: 2005-ish I was playing roller derby, and a few of the girls on the team had this mutual co-worker that they though I'd like, so they invited him to the game. Of course he shows up right before I check a girl into the wall! Awesome timing on my part!
He's a freak and is randomly dressed very 80s for the game, including wearing a key-tar. I bite, we hang out after the game, and then go back to my place. In one of my most amazing moments of grace and elegance, I take off my sports bra, and my mouth guard falls out. Um...that's where I keep it? Shenanigans ensure, and we have a fun night. We try to have a fun night again, he flakes. I reschedule. Again, he flakes. I give up at this point... AND THEN he calls me, too drunk to drive, coming over, blah blah blah. He comes over, wearing TURQUOISE JEWELRY, as a predecessor to hipster or some shit.
Seriously.
Hijinks ensue, I never hear from him again.
2006: I go through this empowered woman phase. Orchestrated by a close, but temporary friend. She assures me that I am a gorgeous female, and that men should bow down. So, we confidently go forth and assert our sexuality. Basically I go through a short time period, where I have no fear about approaching guys, much to the shock and awe of my compatriots.
One day after roller derby practice, we gaze at a gorgeous specimen of a man playing on the court in which we just tussled about on. I approach him, say hi, and then proceed to make plans to hang out. My friends are impressed... no, amazed, that I had the audacity to do such a thing. I am shy at times, so I can see this being a bit of a shock.
This specimen and I make plans to watch a movie. We don't watch a movie *wink wink*. We then make plans to "not watch a movie" again. Afterwards, I have a weird hang up in where I can't cuddle AND sleep simultaneously. Boy gets offended. Boy never calls again.
2007?: I get introduced to a mutual friend. He makes it clear that he is not interested in a "serious" relationship, but that he wants to be monogamous. Ok, I think; though apparently not logically, because the two are not mutually exclusive. Duh.
We have a fun time, hang out A LOT. And yet he's super younger than me, and wants to keep things on the down low, so that we aren't "in a serious relationship". Oh yeah, and he's totally into my friend's sister, who is closer to his age. So, on a rough day where I don't get into the classes I need, I go to his place to decompress. He then, invites this girl over so that I don't "seduce him". Yep. And she comes over. And I look like an idiot.
Of course when I get the point, and move on (to one of his close friends) he rips me, and the friend, a new one. THEN said friend passes away, he apologizes, and says he's glad I could come to the wake at his place and is happy everything is cool, I explain to him that it's not cool. Because its not.
2011: A long term relationship ends, and so a previous friend starts to pursue me. He is super hot, super motivated, and super loner. We have a few fun dates in which I can't read him at all (I have a date interpreter for this, a guy friend who I call for "date or not a date"), but it is deemed a date. And then it is determined that he just wants the occasional hook up. I'm ok with this because SUPER HOT. (Yes, go ahead and judge me, but I rarely attract super hot). But yet, this guy calls every day, seems to want more than wheeeee fun time, and seems genuinely interested in getting to know me. And then weirds out when I point this out. He has a busy schedule, I have a busy schedule, so it's not possible in his eyes.
Then Why the FCUK does he call me every day. *Confused*. I give up, this is going nowhere. And then my psycho roommate at the time tells him off. Great. Now I seem cray cray.
He did come over one night when I was stressed, brought me wine and chocolate and gave me a workout until 5am. But, and being candid (bc I've had a few) he NEVER.... um, looking for a metaphor for this.."old faithfulled", "whistled Dixie"??? er, um.... "blew his top".
If you don't get it, just comment and maybe I'll explain.
Anyway, he stills attempts to hang out from time to time, but gurl.... I ain't got no time for dat!
2012: The last one in this list happened after a first date. We had known each other for a bit, and when we went out, it was deemed that I was too busy to date, and he was not interested in me. So, we decided to sleep together, like rational adults. He thought he was the bee's knees, like any bald man under 5'8" does...? So I should be so lucky to get the chance. It was super fun for a while. We were compatible in all the fun physical ways. But then I decided I wanted more. I wanted someone I could wake up with, not leave at 3 in the morning in heels and a slip. He was understanding, and we took a (short) break. When we resumed shortly, he called me one night saying that he wanted to be "just friends". I explained to him that we weren't friends, so how could we revert to that status? He processed this, agreed, and then told me he was pursing another female.
So, this is my conclusion. I CALL MALARKY! These movies give the great impression of the tough female, whom the guy falls in love with and then convinces to love them back. But in all my experiences, the guy backs down, never falls in love, and the girl moves on to rely on vibrators.
The End.
Monday, September 2, 2013
Thursday, August 29, 2013
Can someone please illustrate this please!!!!! (or, How to Care for your Ambivert)
So, first read this:
http://amorerising.wordpress.com/2013/06/06/how-to-love-your-ambivert/
Now, go find me someone to illustrate it so it makes sense to others...
Ok, done? Great.
Here's what happened. I was on my couch (about 30 minutes ago) trying to take a nap, but instead crying because I'm going to a concert tonight alone and with a group of people. How is that possible you may ask? Well, I'm going with a group of classmates, one who is a friend, but is extroverted, so immediately forgets I'm there the minute she see's her other friends. The others will just ignore me the whole night because I'm not an extrovert and they are poopy jerkfaces. (Sorry, I still need a nap).
In the midst of trying to nap, but crying instead, I decided to see if there was something online about how to care for someone who wasn't an extrovert OR introvert (Actually I was just going to write my own and then hope someone would illustrate it). When I happened across "Ambiverts". It explains some of my conundrum, but not completely.
I still think this article is missing something that I, and maybe other, Ambiverts are missing, but first a little background:
Currently I am in a nursing program, meaning my schedule changes every 3-4 months, money is an issue, I have to study and miss out on a lot of life, so people forget about you, I'm single.
This is coupled with:
Many of my friends either don't live nearby, or are married, or have kids, or work long hours, and/or work very different hours than I do, or are only available when I'm working and studying.
= Lonely
What this article needs to address, is that it's lonely to be an Ambivert. You ARE adaptable, you ARE accommodating, you ARE a balance of both worlds. But this can lead to difficulty making friends, especially if they fit either of the other two types.
The Extrovert friend already has lots of friends and plans, and you tend to get lost in the mix.
The Introvert friend doesn't want to go out, or wants to go home early.
Don't get me wrong, both can be great friends on different levels. But what do you do until you get to that point?
As an Ambivert I watch as my introverted friends complain about all the fun plans they HAVE to go to on the weekend and my extroverted friends have TOO many plans AND friends to bother to invite me.
It has left me in this frustrating state of doing everything alone, going to Target WAY too much (late at night, to get out of the house) and in a general state of annoyance.
What I really need is a few friends who are available, live nearby, like to go out, can go out, and do go out. I'm not complaining about my other friends, I am very grateful for them. What I'm getting at here, is that as a single, childless, student, I NEED some friends of similar status who go out and do things in my neck of the woods, on a regular basis.
And someone to illustrate this.
http://amorerising.wordpress.com/2013/06/06/how-to-love-your-ambivert/
Now, go find me someone to illustrate it so it makes sense to others...
Ok, done? Great.
Here's what happened. I was on my couch (about 30 minutes ago) trying to take a nap, but instead crying because I'm going to a concert tonight alone and with a group of people. How is that possible you may ask? Well, I'm going with a group of classmates, one who is a friend, but is extroverted, so immediately forgets I'm there the minute she see's her other friends. The others will just ignore me the whole night because I'm not an extrovert and they are poopy jerkfaces. (Sorry, I still need a nap).
In the midst of trying to nap, but crying instead, I decided to see if there was something online about how to care for someone who wasn't an extrovert OR introvert (Actually I was just going to write my own and then hope someone would illustrate it). When I happened across "Ambiverts". It explains some of my conundrum, but not completely.
I still think this article is missing something that I, and maybe other, Ambiverts are missing, but first a little background:
Currently I am in a nursing program, meaning my schedule changes every 3-4 months, money is an issue, I have to study and miss out on a lot of life, so people forget about you, I'm single.
This is coupled with:
Many of my friends either don't live nearby, or are married, or have kids, or work long hours, and/or work very different hours than I do, or are only available when I'm working and studying.
= Lonely
What this article needs to address, is that it's lonely to be an Ambivert. You ARE adaptable, you ARE accommodating, you ARE a balance of both worlds. But this can lead to difficulty making friends, especially if they fit either of the other two types.
The Extrovert friend already has lots of friends and plans, and you tend to get lost in the mix.
The Introvert friend doesn't want to go out, or wants to go home early.
Don't get me wrong, both can be great friends on different levels. But what do you do until you get to that point?
As an Ambivert I watch as my introverted friends complain about all the fun plans they HAVE to go to on the weekend and my extroverted friends have TOO many plans AND friends to bother to invite me.
It has left me in this frustrating state of doing everything alone, going to Target WAY too much (late at night, to get out of the house) and in a general state of annoyance.
What I really need is a few friends who are available, live nearby, like to go out, can go out, and do go out. I'm not complaining about my other friends, I am very grateful for them. What I'm getting at here, is that as a single, childless, student, I NEED some friends of similar status who go out and do things in my neck of the woods, on a regular basis.
And someone to illustrate this.
Tuesday, August 13, 2013
I don't have a type, but...
(Warning, this may be the most un-pc blog I ever write...maybe.)
(...see that's the thing with this topic, my bff and I discussed it and apparently when guys like only Asian girls, it has to do with cultural differences, submissive vs. dominant and so forth... And then we got into why Hispanic guys like white girls, and how I work in sushi restaurant with Asian girls and everyone has the hots for them, but the Hispanic kitchen guys have the hots for me, and wow... tangent!) (Whereas in my case its just because their legs are less hairy. The Asian guys, not girls, wait what were we talking about?) (Oh yeah, this entry is about why I'm attracted to Asian guys.)
Why I Am Attracted to Asian Guys
Being an online dater, I recently signed up for a paid site; having been encouraged by others that I would find more legit, relationship-wanting types on there. One of the first things I noticed (besides, "Oh shit, I spent money, shit got real! I better find someone!") was that I was more attracted to the Asian guys on there. Part of it may be that I'm still reeling about the last guy I dated, who was Burmese, and who I thought was the one. But then I shook that off and decided there were other reasons for this sudden realization that I'm attracted to this "type".
Ironically, tonight a few of my friends asked me what my type was (assuming that maybe I was going for the wrong type and should broaden my scope). I have a speech written out for this very question:
"The only thing any of my former boyfriends have in common is that they were male. If you put them in a room together, they probably wouldn't be friends." Oh, and none of them were Asian.
Ok, I dated someone who was half Filipino, half Black (and all gorgeous! Though I had to end things when he played air keyboard way too long at a club).
Anyway, I also was told I need some pictures in my blog, so this is a good excuse...
Reason #1 (sort of in no particular order)
Senor G (names have been changed to protect identity), Senor G was a half Dutch, half Japanese guy in my high school. He was handsome, played piano, sports, super smart, super artistic, super slut. For some reason that Dutch/Japanese combo = gorgeous. I had another female friend in HS with the same combo and what what, gorgeous!
But superman here was a cocky bastard. Still, a stepping stone.
Reason #2
(Now we get to the pictures)
Bruce Lee
Dude, yellow jump suit, ripped body, can we say hot!?!
I had the box set of his movies, and a Bruce Lee shrine in my first apartment. More because it was funny to have a shrine, and I happened to have a Bruce Lee bobble head, but still... hot.
Reason #3
Sulu
Here's where he is defending a woman's honor. Oh, and his facebook presence is hilarious.
#4
Joy Luck Club with Russell Wong
Only to be undone by how hot he is now!
#6
Steven Yeun, Walking Dead
Seriously, once he got rid of the baseball cap, I swooned. Maggie is a lucky fictional character to get to tap that!
#7
John Cho
Need I say more...
#8
Brandon Lee, pre "The Crow"
Yes, that's what he was famous for, but he did movies before that. Go rent them.
Oh, and I just realized "Sea Urchin boy" from my previous posts is a spitting image of him.
#9
Ken Jeong
Dude, funny as hell AND he's a doctor!
#10
Honorable Mentions
Or, I'm really tired so look these guys up yo'self!
Jay Chou, Green Hornet
Toshiro Mifune, legend
Ken Watanabe, Memoirs of a Geisha
Chang Chen, Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon
So, I don't know what it is. But it's there.
Of course, when I was in Tokyo, thinking I'd stick out like a sore thumb, not one guy even batted an eye at me.
But, at least it was fun looking at (in my opinion) hot guys to put on my blog.
p.s. Keep your fingers crossed that some 6' hawt Asian guy falls for me online. Or I meet John Cho.
(...see that's the thing with this topic, my bff and I discussed it and apparently when guys like only Asian girls, it has to do with cultural differences, submissive vs. dominant and so forth... And then we got into why Hispanic guys like white girls, and how I work in sushi restaurant with Asian girls and everyone has the hots for them, but the Hispanic kitchen guys have the hots for me, and wow... tangent!) (Whereas in my case its just because their legs are less hairy. The Asian guys, not girls, wait what were we talking about?) (Oh yeah, this entry is about why I'm attracted to Asian guys.)
Why I Am Attracted to Asian Guys
Being an online dater, I recently signed up for a paid site; having been encouraged by others that I would find more legit, relationship-wanting types on there. One of the first things I noticed (besides, "Oh shit, I spent money, shit got real! I better find someone!") was that I was more attracted to the Asian guys on there. Part of it may be that I'm still reeling about the last guy I dated, who was Burmese, and who I thought was the one. But then I shook that off and decided there were other reasons for this sudden realization that I'm attracted to this "type".
Ironically, tonight a few of my friends asked me what my type was (assuming that maybe I was going for the wrong type and should broaden my scope). I have a speech written out for this very question:
"The only thing any of my former boyfriends have in common is that they were male. If you put them in a room together, they probably wouldn't be friends." Oh, and none of them were Asian.
Ok, I dated someone who was half Filipino, half Black (and all gorgeous! Though I had to end things when he played air keyboard way too long at a club).
Anyway, I also was told I need some pictures in my blog, so this is a good excuse...
Reason #1 (sort of in no particular order)
Senor G (names have been changed to protect identity), Senor G was a half Dutch, half Japanese guy in my high school. He was handsome, played piano, sports, super smart, super artistic, super slut. For some reason that Dutch/Japanese combo = gorgeous. I had another female friend in HS with the same combo and what what, gorgeous!
But superman here was a cocky bastard. Still, a stepping stone.
Reason #2
(Now we get to the pictures)
Bruce Lee
I had the box set of his movies, and a Bruce Lee shrine in my first apartment. More because it was funny to have a shrine, and I happened to have a Bruce Lee bobble head, but still... hot.
Reason #3
Sulu
Here's where he is defending a woman's honor. Oh, and his facebook presence is hilarious.
#4
Joy Luck Club with Russell Wong
Seriously, he eats watermelon in this movie, and it one of THE sexiest things I have ever seen. Oh, and he's wearing a suit, but his character is an ass, but who cares because SUIT and WATERMELON!
#5
Mother Fuckin RUFIO!
Bangarang baby!Only to be undone by how hot he is now!
#6
Steven Yeun, Walking Dead
#7
John Cho
Need I say more...
#8
Brandon Lee, pre "The Crow"
Yes, that's what he was famous for, but he did movies before that. Go rent them.
Oh, and I just realized "Sea Urchin boy" from my previous posts is a spitting image of him.
#9
Ken Jeong
Dude, funny as hell AND he's a doctor!
#10
Honorable Mentions
Or, I'm really tired so look these guys up yo'self!
Jay Chou, Green Hornet
Toshiro Mifune, legend
Ken Watanabe, Memoirs of a Geisha
Chang Chen, Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon
So, I don't know what it is. But it's there.
Of course, when I was in Tokyo, thinking I'd stick out like a sore thumb, not one guy even batted an eye at me.
But, at least it was fun looking at (in my opinion) hot guys to put on my blog.
p.s. Keep your fingers crossed that some 6' hawt Asian guy falls for me online. Or I meet John Cho.
Sunday, August 11, 2013
Why I NOW like the movie "Bridesmaids"
When I first saw the movie, Bridesmaids, I thought... "Ug, they finally make a movie with all female comedians and they make them all pathetic!" Why can't a movie with all females have them be rich girls with daddy issues like most of the Adam Sandler movies I shamelessly watch (and know word for word). Or where they're the ones who ask the guy to leave in the morning and have no emotional connection for the opposite sex except to use them for their body, until the guy who is their best friend suddenly changes all that? Can we PLEASE redo a romcom with the roles reversed??
Ok, done with that rant, back to the OG point.
I was encouraged to watch it again, by my therapist. She was reminded of the opening scene where Kristen Wiig can't get out of the guy's house, she just slept with, the next morning; after I told her about leaving sea urchin boy's house when my car wouldn't go in reverse.
So, I watched it again. And this time I freakishly connected with the main character, realized how many times I was her and how real this movie was. Brash, blatant, and to the point. She is in so many situations that many of us have been in, and has thus put a mirror up for us to see the truth.
And that truth isn't always pretty.
I too have slept with a guy(s) who thought he was the shit and that I wasn't good enough. They weren't as built, or as handsome as the guy in the film (though the guy in the film quickly looses all handsome points based on his personality). One was actually short, skinny, bald AND super obsessed with his mustache... and thought I wasn't good enough for him, and HE was the one who decided we should stop sleeping together!
Why do we waste our time Kristen Wiig?? We are better then these guys who think they're better than us!
There were a few other moments in the movie that really made sense, but I've forgotten them and now have to watch the movie again to finish this blog (or not) at a later time.
And now I'm also really annoyed by mustaches.
Ok, done with that rant, back to the OG point.
I was encouraged to watch it again, by my therapist. She was reminded of the opening scene where Kristen Wiig can't get out of the guy's house, she just slept with, the next morning; after I told her about leaving sea urchin boy's house when my car wouldn't go in reverse.
So, I watched it again. And this time I freakishly connected with the main character, realized how many times I was her and how real this movie was. Brash, blatant, and to the point. She is in so many situations that many of us have been in, and has thus put a mirror up for us to see the truth.
And that truth isn't always pretty.
I too have slept with a guy(s) who thought he was the shit and that I wasn't good enough. They weren't as built, or as handsome as the guy in the film (though the guy in the film quickly looses all handsome points based on his personality). One was actually short, skinny, bald AND super obsessed with his mustache... and thought I wasn't good enough for him, and HE was the one who decided we should stop sleeping together!
Why do we waste our time Kristen Wiig?? We are better then these guys who think they're better than us!
There were a few other moments in the movie that really made sense, but I've forgotten them and now have to watch the movie again to finish this blog (or not) at a later time.
And now I'm also really annoyed by mustaches.
Sunday, August 4, 2013
So...
You know its been a long time since you've been in a real relationship when the knights at Medieval Times (in Dallas nonetheless) start looking good.
I mean they CAN ride horses AND sword fight...
AND jump off said horses and wield axes and joust and they're tall and
and
and
No?
:(
I mean they CAN ride horses AND sword fight...
AND jump off said horses and wield axes and joust and they're tall and
and
and
No?
:(
Thursday, August 1, 2013
Annoyed pants
Maybe I'm a little tired, so something small and insignificant set me off...
Went to stop by a friend's bday at a bar after a loooong day of gutting my garagelet (think closet + garage, it makes sense in my head). I'm in flip flops, no makeup and I walk into uber-trendy-everybody-dressed-up-on-the-prowel-bar.
Notinthemood.
I want to give my friend her bday/emergency tiara and gtfo.
Instead another friend grabs me, makes me have a gross medicinal tasting gross shot of something gross, and go watch her talk to her friends outside. So I wait a few minutes, then leave, in my annoyed pants.
On the way out, get a text from one of the many guys I dated who decided never to text me again after I thought things were going so well. He's there, saw me. I tell him I'm leaving, and to come outside. I wait. I wait. I leave.
45 minutes later hes texting me. I'm curtailing this quickly. But I wanted to rant a bit (before I cry and watch a Katherine Heigel movie) (yes I'm serious, I told you I was tired!)
Oh, AND I ranted on a public-ish forum too...My okcupid profile. I announced on there that I was deleting my profile soon, and that ya'll should put on your big boy skivvies and let a girl know that you're not interested in a relationship instead of not ever talking to her again. Oh, and also deleted all other stuff about me on there. And am tempted to post a SomEcard on their that's very snarky.
Sigh, stupid dating scene.
Went to stop by a friend's bday at a bar after a loooong day of gutting my garagelet (think closet + garage, it makes sense in my head). I'm in flip flops, no makeup and I walk into uber-trendy-everybody-dressed-up-on-the-prowel-bar.
Notinthemood.
I want to give my friend her bday/emergency tiara and gtfo.
Instead another friend grabs me, makes me have a gross medicinal tasting gross shot of something gross, and go watch her talk to her friends outside. So I wait a few minutes, then leave, in my annoyed pants.
On the way out, get a text from one of the many guys I dated who decided never to text me again after I thought things were going so well. He's there, saw me. I tell him I'm leaving, and to come outside. I wait. I wait. I leave.
45 minutes later hes texting me. I'm curtailing this quickly. But I wanted to rant a bit (before I cry and watch a Katherine Heigel movie) (yes I'm serious, I told you I was tired!)
Oh, AND I ranted on a public-ish forum too...My okcupid profile. I announced on there that I was deleting my profile soon, and that ya'll should put on your big boy skivvies and let a girl know that you're not interested in a relationship instead of not ever talking to her again. Oh, and also deleted all other stuff about me on there. And am tempted to post a SomEcard on their that's very snarky.
Sigh, stupid dating scene.
Thursday, July 18, 2013
Friday, July 12, 2013
Your reverse doesn't work
Tonight I found myself screaming to the heavens, "I give, I won't fucking date anymore" amidst tears on my drive home.
I had gone on a few dates with a handsome smart fellow (a few of you know him as "Sea Urchin Boy") who had cooked me dinner a couple of times with fish he caught himself spearfishing, and was very excited to teach me to free dive. The dinners were very romantic, by a roaring fire, or on his roof with Christmas lights and blah blah blah.
Despite the above, I realized he was more interested in teaching me to free dive than date me. Then tonight he had asked to come to my show. Odd, I thought, but whatever... I've had enough people flake on this very hard to get tickets to event that I'll invite him.
After, he invited me over to cook me lobster tail he caught. Zuh? I probed my friend for the meaning of this and she suggested he saw me on stage, got reinterested and wanted to hang out. Ok, cool.
We go back to his place for an amazing dinner of lobster, mac n'cheese, spinach and mint juleps. Its romantic and lovely and blah blah blah (can you tell I'm annoyed). We start to get hot and heavy, I give him one of my amazing back massages, he gives me a mediocre one (yeah, that's right, I said it!); make out continues, and then he starts discussing serious stuff. He likes being affectionate with me, but he's seeing other people, doesn't want to rush into a relationship, ya know, over-analyzing like I tend to do, but I don't do it out loud to the person!
I put on the brakes, told him I was surprised by tonight, he'd been pretty platonic recently. Yeah he agrees. So I tell him I've actually stopped dating because of this stuff. (Not meaning just him in particular), and that I want someone who is as passionate about me as he is his other hobbies (like free diving). He understands, ask if I want to talk about it, and even has the gall to say, 'You will find someone.'
Here is where I say I'm leaving. He seemed to want me to stay, but there is no way in hell I'm letting my bruised ego suffer more for a lay. The unfortunate part in all this (ok, the least unfortunate part) is that today my car decided never to go in reverse again. So of course I'm parked behind him in his carport and he has to push my car out...while I'm trying to retain my dignity and fight back tears of so much continuous rejection (and anger at my car).
He is a gentleman and helps, asks if we can go diving again. 'Of course' I gracefully reply. Then fight the urge to respond to his text message about driving safe and thanks for a 'special evening' by saying "Eat a dick".
Sigh. He is a good guy, but he didn't feel passion for me. And I don't want someone who doesn't want to see me more than every few weeks, and won't make out with me underwater when we free dive. But for fucks sake, can the universe stop reeling me in only to toss me back with flesh wounds? I can't take it anymore!!!
I had gone on a few dates with a handsome smart fellow (a few of you know him as "Sea Urchin Boy") who had cooked me dinner a couple of times with fish he caught himself spearfishing, and was very excited to teach me to free dive. The dinners were very romantic, by a roaring fire, or on his roof with Christmas lights and blah blah blah.
Despite the above, I realized he was more interested in teaching me to free dive than date me. Then tonight he had asked to come to my show. Odd, I thought, but whatever... I've had enough people flake on this very hard to get tickets to event that I'll invite him.
After, he invited me over to cook me lobster tail he caught. Zuh? I probed my friend for the meaning of this and she suggested he saw me on stage, got reinterested and wanted to hang out. Ok, cool.
We go back to his place for an amazing dinner of lobster, mac n'cheese, spinach and mint juleps. Its romantic and lovely and blah blah blah (can you tell I'm annoyed). We start to get hot and heavy, I give him one of my amazing back massages, he gives me a mediocre one (yeah, that's right, I said it!); make out continues, and then he starts discussing serious stuff. He likes being affectionate with me, but he's seeing other people, doesn't want to rush into a relationship, ya know, over-analyzing like I tend to do, but I don't do it out loud to the person!
I put on the brakes, told him I was surprised by tonight, he'd been pretty platonic recently. Yeah he agrees. So I tell him I've actually stopped dating because of this stuff. (Not meaning just him in particular), and that I want someone who is as passionate about me as he is his other hobbies (like free diving). He understands, ask if I want to talk about it, and even has the gall to say, 'You will find someone.'
Here is where I say I'm leaving. He seemed to want me to stay, but there is no way in hell I'm letting my bruised ego suffer more for a lay. The unfortunate part in all this (ok, the least unfortunate part) is that today my car decided never to go in reverse again. So of course I'm parked behind him in his carport and he has to push my car out...while I'm trying to retain my dignity and fight back tears of so much continuous rejection (and anger at my car).
He is a gentleman and helps, asks if we can go diving again. 'Of course' I gracefully reply. Then fight the urge to respond to his text message about driving safe and thanks for a 'special evening' by saying "Eat a dick".
Sigh. He is a good guy, but he didn't feel passion for me. And I don't want someone who doesn't want to see me more than every few weeks, and won't make out with me underwater when we free dive. But for fucks sake, can the universe stop reeling me in only to toss me back with flesh wounds? I can't take it anymore!!!
Saturday, July 6, 2013
Here and Now
It has been a while since my last post and I am debating on summing up the last few months in one foul swoop, or doing flash back blogs. Before we make any decisions here's the here and now:
I am taking a break from dating.
My ego has been bruised way too many times recently and it needs to heal. I am instead going to buy a stand up paddle board and spend some time in the ocean (all mermaid-like).
Ok, I've made a decision to do some recap posts and just discuss the most recent (tonight's) events. The head chef at the restaurant I work at, had become a friend of mine. Every once in a while we go out for food and drinks after work and typically discuss the restaurant "bidness". On one of these excursions, we went to a local restaurant where he knows the partial owner/owner's son who manages the place somewhat. I became interested in said person, asked him out and got no response (via text).
(Makes the "whatever" sign with her hands, followed by the "L" for Looser hand signal... ego only slightly bruised).
The next time we go to this establishment, the guy is all over me, we're flirting, drinking, taking care of my drunk chef, etc. At one point he smoothly does the passionate kiss against the bar while chef is out of the room thing. Hijinks ensue.
But, turns out he's nuts. As in, freak out while I'm over at his place anxiety attack after said hijinks. So, I leave. Don't hear back from him. Tell myself I avoided a difficult situation with a spoiled baby man boy and I deserve better. (Some ego scratches, will heal)
We visited the restaurant some time later, everything was actually very casual, no awkwardness. I do my usual text follow up with baby man boy, don't really hear much back. No biggie.
Then today, chef tells me spoiled man boy got fired. I could only guess why, but still didn't want to hear it. Ego has been sufficiently bruised (due to other events to be discussed later), so much so that even touching it hurts. Yes, the partial owner had a 3 way with some of his waitresses, his older brother (super owner) found out and FIRED HIS OWN BROTHER!! Kind of glad, kind of disgusted that I went there.
So what happens now? Baby boy continues to live off his family's riches (seriously, he owns a yacht) and I wish that I had stole one of his surfboards when I had the chance (he has a second bedroom just to store all of them in).
I explain the ego bruising to the chef and he feels bad, explains that he warned me (did he?) and made me feel worst (grrrrr). I mope a bit, don't to any dinosaur impersonations for him, and keep working. He notices and lets me in on something... One of his handsome friends, who comes into our restaurant, likes me. Oh, the good looking one? Yes. Oh, the one who always comes in with model sized girls...?
Yes.
Thanks, but not really. I appreciate it, but lets be honest, I don't have time for that shit.
I am taking a break from dating.
My ego has been bruised way too many times recently and it needs to heal. I am instead going to buy a stand up paddle board and spend some time in the ocean (all mermaid-like).
Ok, I've made a decision to do some recap posts and just discuss the most recent (tonight's) events. The head chef at the restaurant I work at, had become a friend of mine. Every once in a while we go out for food and drinks after work and typically discuss the restaurant "bidness". On one of these excursions, we went to a local restaurant where he knows the partial owner/owner's son who manages the place somewhat. I became interested in said person, asked him out and got no response (via text).
(Makes the "whatever" sign with her hands, followed by the "L" for Looser hand signal... ego only slightly bruised).
The next time we go to this establishment, the guy is all over me, we're flirting, drinking, taking care of my drunk chef, etc. At one point he smoothly does the passionate kiss against the bar while chef is out of the room thing. Hijinks ensue.
But, turns out he's nuts. As in, freak out while I'm over at his place anxiety attack after said hijinks. So, I leave. Don't hear back from him. Tell myself I avoided a difficult situation with a spoiled baby man boy and I deserve better. (Some ego scratches, will heal)
We visited the restaurant some time later, everything was actually very casual, no awkwardness. I do my usual text follow up with baby man boy, don't really hear much back. No biggie.
Then today, chef tells me spoiled man boy got fired. I could only guess why, but still didn't want to hear it. Ego has been sufficiently bruised (due to other events to be discussed later), so much so that even touching it hurts. Yes, the partial owner had a 3 way with some of his waitresses, his older brother (super owner) found out and FIRED HIS OWN BROTHER!! Kind of glad, kind of disgusted that I went there.
So what happens now? Baby boy continues to live off his family's riches (seriously, he owns a yacht) and I wish that I had stole one of his surfboards when I had the chance (he has a second bedroom just to store all of them in).
I explain the ego bruising to the chef and he feels bad, explains that he warned me (did he?) and made me feel worst (grrrrr). I mope a bit, don't to any dinosaur impersonations for him, and keep working. He notices and lets me in on something... One of his handsome friends, who comes into our restaurant, likes me. Oh, the good looking one? Yes. Oh, the one who always comes in with model sized girls...?
Yes.
Thanks, but not really. I appreciate it, but lets be honest, I don't have time for that shit.
Saturday, March 16, 2013
Desperation Meter
According to the chef at the restaurant I waitress at, I'm off the desperation meter. No, not the "off" I initially hoped he meant (as in its such a small reading it doesn't warrant a meter), "off" as in the meter is broken because it couldn't read my excessive rate of desperation.
This was in reference to my asking out a friend of his (which he seemed to encourage btw). The story goes: my awesome chef and I go out to dinner sometimes after work, usually with a co-worker or two. Because he is a chef, he knows great food, and often gets it for free by knowing other restaurant-y type people. One of these being the owner of a great late night food place. We met said owner several times, he is good looking, kind, friendly, and as chef put it, a weird that would work well with me. (Not to mention he owns a boat, spear fishes, and jet skis to Catalina. Yep, my kind of crazy).
Chef tells his friend I dig him, and he says he digs too. Yay! So, I ask chef if I should ask him out. Yes. He even suggests I go grab food there (which I do, on his night off of course). So, Sunday I send him a text, ask him out for drinks. He says yes, then says he'll let me know his schedule the next day. Which he doesn't.
And didn't.
And still hasn't.
Just for the count, this was 5 days ago.
When I see chef again tonight, he asks about it, I tell him what happened. We banter about it throughout my shift, even devising a silly plan to go the restaurant tonight to make things awkward. In the end, we don't go, and chef says the desperation meter thing.
Drat.
He explained that he thought it was balls-y of me to ask the guy out. And how that seemed desperate.
Fuck.
So, I ask guys out. I don't see what the big deal is!? Are we not living in a modern world, and I am a not a material, er... modern girl? I've received this sort of reaction before. People seem to be amazed that a gal actually has the lady balls to ask out a guy. Why is this such a ridiculous notion?
Here is how I see it, and please, let me know your thoughts (especially any male readers I have out there). I am a passionate person (apparently some insert "desperate" where I say passionate). I believe that life is short, we have to take chances, otherwise we won't get anywhere. Basically I really believe in trying, even if it means failing... often. That's how we learn, right? So I take this whole premise into the world of dating. Give it a chance, accept rejection, because we can't always get it right the first time. But apparently, I'm supposed to sit around and wait for some guy to ask me out. Well, experience has taught me that not many have the cajones. And yes, I would like to meet someone who has the guts to take a chance. But in the meantime I'm not going to miss my chances to try and spend more time with a guy I find interesting.
Apparently other people interpret my actions differently. My classmates and I were discussing today when was it too late for a woman to have a child (the answer is menopause). And the only male in the group said that you have to be careful of your biological clock. If its clanging too loudly, it will scare guys off. Is that what I am? An obnoxious clock? Am I the ticking crocodile to the cowardly Captain Hooks of this world? I would much rather think of myself as Tinkerbell, and I'm just too sassy for any lost boys, or Peter Pans who don't want to grow up.
This was in reference to my asking out a friend of his (which he seemed to encourage btw). The story goes: my awesome chef and I go out to dinner sometimes after work, usually with a co-worker or two. Because he is a chef, he knows great food, and often gets it for free by knowing other restaurant-y type people. One of these being the owner of a great late night food place. We met said owner several times, he is good looking, kind, friendly, and as chef put it, a weird that would work well with me. (Not to mention he owns a boat, spear fishes, and jet skis to Catalina. Yep, my kind of crazy).
Chef tells his friend I dig him, and he says he digs too. Yay! So, I ask chef if I should ask him out. Yes. He even suggests I go grab food there (which I do, on his night off of course). So, Sunday I send him a text, ask him out for drinks. He says yes, then says he'll let me know his schedule the next day. Which he doesn't.
And didn't.
And still hasn't.
Just for the count, this was 5 days ago.
When I see chef again tonight, he asks about it, I tell him what happened. We banter about it throughout my shift, even devising a silly plan to go the restaurant tonight to make things awkward. In the end, we don't go, and chef says the desperation meter thing.
Drat.
He explained that he thought it was balls-y of me to ask the guy out. And how that seemed desperate.
Fuck.
So, I ask guys out. I don't see what the big deal is!? Are we not living in a modern world, and I am a not a material, er... modern girl? I've received this sort of reaction before. People seem to be amazed that a gal actually has the lady balls to ask out a guy. Why is this such a ridiculous notion?
Here is how I see it, and please, let me know your thoughts (especially any male readers I have out there). I am a passionate person (apparently some insert "desperate" where I say passionate). I believe that life is short, we have to take chances, otherwise we won't get anywhere. Basically I really believe in trying, even if it means failing... often. That's how we learn, right? So I take this whole premise into the world of dating. Give it a chance, accept rejection, because we can't always get it right the first time. But apparently, I'm supposed to sit around and wait for some guy to ask me out. Well, experience has taught me that not many have the cajones. And yes, I would like to meet someone who has the guts to take a chance. But in the meantime I'm not going to miss my chances to try and spend more time with a guy I find interesting.
Apparently other people interpret my actions differently. My classmates and I were discussing today when was it too late for a woman to have a child (the answer is menopause). And the only male in the group said that you have to be careful of your biological clock. If its clanging too loudly, it will scare guys off. Is that what I am? An obnoxious clock? Am I the ticking crocodile to the cowardly Captain Hooks of this world? I would much rather think of myself as Tinkerbell, and I'm just too sassy for any lost boys, or Peter Pans who don't want to grow up.
Tuesday, March 5, 2013
Perspective
Sorry I've been M.I.A. for a while. Such is the case with being a student in the type of program I am in (vague, I know). That and I spent my winter break working two jobs and going to school. The class I took was an Interpersonal Communication class with an incredible professor. Some of my next few blogs will be pulled from papers I wrote for that class which, ironically, are relevant to this site.
But that's not why I write here today. The Perspective I refer to in the title, is that of my last blog and how the shoe changed foot, er...feet?
Last summer I was dating, a bit, and one of the gentlemen I had the opportunity to spend some quality time with was an artist we will call "Granola". In one of those random chance meetings, Granola was close friends with someone else who had sent me a message on a dating site. This other person lived about 6 hours away from me, and yet wrote to me occasionally, even though we never met. Somehow, a common social networking site we were all on, recommended Granola and I become friends. We did, and then we met up, and then we dated.
Granola was handsome, tall, creative, and very shy. I had had bad experiences with artists types before, so I tended to avoid them at all costs (and actors, though I have enough artists and actor friends now that have become ingratiated to me, I still may not date them). He was not a very social creature, which doesn't always mesh with my personality. But he was very kind, sensitive, and funny.
And, there was no chemistry... for me.
I know that is harsh, but we're putting the shoe on the other foot here. Granola was sweet, but I wasn't ready, or I didn't know what I was doing, or (most likely) I didn't have enough time. Whatever it was, it wasn't meant to be (for me). I sensed that he was more interested in me than I was in him. He once even told me that he would help me learn to love my curves!
Yeah, I'm crazy for not falling for that.
So, here is our perspective. After tears shed over Chicken boy, I soon had to realize that I had been on the other side of the fence as well. I too had some one who really(?) liked me, and I wasn't as interested in them. Now I'm the jerk.
And in the ironic twist, Granola had also sent me a message clarifying that it was over (just like I did with Chicken boy), and letting me know that he enjoyed the time we spent together. (And that he wasn't looking for a relationship either, but I didn't really believe that part).
I recently got back in touch with Granola, had coffee, invited him to an art show. It was great to see him. Maybe we can be friends. Do I really want to be friends with Chicken boy? No, not yet, its too soon and I'm still hurt. (Though he did just recently accept the social networking friend request I sent him from back when we were dating, and I did have a chance to explain to him, when he randomly contacted me to go to the beach, that I was under the impression that he was interested in me, and was honestly surprised that he wasn't. That shut him up.)
From having a chance to review a past fling, and see that I was not always the one being rejected (that's a harsh word, and I'm attempting to strike it from my vocabulary), I have learned to see both sides of the equation, and not get as hurt next time it doesn't work out.
Though I can't promise it will ever make sense to me.
But that's not why I write here today. The Perspective I refer to in the title, is that of my last blog and how the shoe changed foot, er...feet?
Last summer I was dating, a bit, and one of the gentlemen I had the opportunity to spend some quality time with was an artist we will call "Granola". In one of those random chance meetings, Granola was close friends with someone else who had sent me a message on a dating site. This other person lived about 6 hours away from me, and yet wrote to me occasionally, even though we never met. Somehow, a common social networking site we were all on, recommended Granola and I become friends. We did, and then we met up, and then we dated.
Granola was handsome, tall, creative, and very shy. I had had bad experiences with artists types before, so I tended to avoid them at all costs (and actors, though I have enough artists and actor friends now that have become ingratiated to me, I still may not date them). He was not a very social creature, which doesn't always mesh with my personality. But he was very kind, sensitive, and funny.
And, there was no chemistry... for me.
I know that is harsh, but we're putting the shoe on the other foot here. Granola was sweet, but I wasn't ready, or I didn't know what I was doing, or (most likely) I didn't have enough time. Whatever it was, it wasn't meant to be (for me). I sensed that he was more interested in me than I was in him. He once even told me that he would help me learn to love my curves!
Yeah, I'm crazy for not falling for that.
So, here is our perspective. After tears shed over Chicken boy, I soon had to realize that I had been on the other side of the fence as well. I too had some one who really(?) liked me, and I wasn't as interested in them. Now I'm the jerk.
And in the ironic twist, Granola had also sent me a message clarifying that it was over (just like I did with Chicken boy), and letting me know that he enjoyed the time we spent together. (And that he wasn't looking for a relationship either, but I didn't really believe that part).
I recently got back in touch with Granola, had coffee, invited him to an art show. It was great to see him. Maybe we can be friends. Do I really want to be friends with Chicken boy? No, not yet, its too soon and I'm still hurt. (Though he did just recently accept the social networking friend request I sent him from back when we were dating, and I did have a chance to explain to him, when he randomly contacted me to go to the beach, that I was under the impression that he was interested in me, and was honestly surprised that he wasn't. That shut him up.)
From having a chance to review a past fling, and see that I was not always the one being rejected (that's a harsh word, and I'm attempting to strike it from my vocabulary), I have learned to see both sides of the equation, and not get as hurt next time it doesn't work out.
Though I can't promise it will ever make sense to me.
Monday, January 28, 2013
Chickens
Having not heard from the awesome guy that I had gone on a bunch of dates with lately, and was starting to get the gut feeling that he wasn't as into me as it seemed, I sent him a text saying the following:
"Hey, I don't know if we lost momentum, you're busy or you met someone else; so I just wanted to say that I really enjoyed spending time with you."
This is his response:
"Aww, thank you. I really had fun too! Have been super busy. I'd like to hang out again soon. But as friends and not in the romantic way if that makes sense.
Me: "Yep. bummer."
Ok, for any guys reading this, if you are not interested in a girl "romantically" don't tell her you want to raise chickens at her place!!! This implies that you want to spend time there, or possibly even, move in.
There are a lot of other 'don'ts' that happened as well (don't make her dinner, take her ice skating, talk about having kids, or any other things that may be deemed "romantic".) but we won't get into them. Basically, your vocabulary should only consist of words in the present or past tense.
I was thrilled about the chickens, and that he grows his own kale. I was even starting to think about how freakin' blonde our kids would be (he's blonder than me, a toehead) and Viking like. I mean basically our kids would come out of the womb with axes, Nordic beards and speaking Swedish! They'd be so Swedish they'd raid and pillage Ikea and re-claim Solvang for their hunting ground and lingonberry farm.
I digress...
So, this led me to the question that I really don't want the answer to, "What is wrong with me?" For quite some time, my love life has been riddled with rejection. Yes, this is the universe telling me that I'm in an intense degree program and really don't have time for guys, but I am still lonely.
Instead I call up a close friend (or 3), one of who which explains to me that I am THE TRIFECTA.
Smart.
Pretty.
and, um... I forgot the third, a nice ass or something.
She was a great support, and gawfed wonderfully at the ridiculous of the text message. Yet I am still at a loss. Confused. I really thought that he liked me, there was tangible evidence to support this claim. But I don't know what happened. We could have had chickens together.
"Hey, I don't know if we lost momentum, you're busy or you met someone else; so I just wanted to say that I really enjoyed spending time with you."
This is his response:
"Aww, thank you. I really had fun too! Have been super busy. I'd like to hang out again soon. But as friends and not in the romantic way if that makes sense.
Me: "Yep. bummer."
Ok, for any guys reading this, if you are not interested in a girl "romantically" don't tell her you want to raise chickens at her place!!! This implies that you want to spend time there, or possibly even, move in.
There are a lot of other 'don'ts' that happened as well (don't make her dinner, take her ice skating, talk about having kids, or any other things that may be deemed "romantic".) but we won't get into them. Basically, your vocabulary should only consist of words in the present or past tense.
I was thrilled about the chickens, and that he grows his own kale. I was even starting to think about how freakin' blonde our kids would be (he's blonder than me, a toehead) and Viking like. I mean basically our kids would come out of the womb with axes, Nordic beards and speaking Swedish! They'd be so Swedish they'd raid and pillage Ikea and re-claim Solvang for their hunting ground and lingonberry farm.
I digress...
So, this led me to the question that I really don't want the answer to, "What is wrong with me?" For quite some time, my love life has been riddled with rejection. Yes, this is the universe telling me that I'm in an intense degree program and really don't have time for guys, but I am still lonely.
Instead I call up a close friend (or 3), one of who which explains to me that I am THE TRIFECTA.
Smart.
Pretty.
and, um... I forgot the third, a nice ass or something.
She was a great support, and gawfed wonderfully at the ridiculous of the text message. Yet I am still at a loss. Confused. I really thought that he liked me, there was tangible evidence to support this claim. But I don't know what happened. We could have had chickens together.
Saturday, January 19, 2013
Moment of weakness
Some days you just feel like a fat whale who will be lonely and single forever...
Tuesday, January 15, 2013
The Silent but Deadly Text
In comprising this list of text messages that can ultimately help you lose a girl, I failed to realize that NOT texting can be as detrimental as sending a deal breaker text. It is the equivalent of hanging up on someone, or not responding to an email. If this was World War II and I was writing to my beloved, NOT receiving a timely letter correspondence would most likely mean that he had been killed (or had been captured, realized his love for Ryan's privates, or had been cleverly hiding in Budapest disguised as a woman.) The point being, if this was any time in the past, no response could be construed as someone's unfortunately tragic death! Just to give us some perspective.
Why do I bring this up? Today I received two text messages from potential suitors. One I had not heard from since January 2nd! And we still haven't met (yes, this is someone I've pseudo met from an online dating site). He engaged in some friendly banter, then disappeared again.
The second was someone I've been on a few dates with. I contacted him around 2pm, and didn't hear back until after 9pm. I responded with a clever, yet fun and inviting text, and then heard nothing again for 45 minutes.
To me, I have come to expect a text message in maybe 3-4 hours after the initial text. I could be way out of the ballpark on this one, but 13 days? 7 hours? In my honest opinion, this doesn't say to me, "I like you." I am open for discussion, but my point of view is that communication, especially silence, tells more than we think it does. While I firmly believe that "...a wise man knows when to shut up." I also believe that a fool takes a long time to text back.
Why do I bring this up? Today I received two text messages from potential suitors. One I had not heard from since January 2nd! And we still haven't met (yes, this is someone I've pseudo met from an online dating site). He engaged in some friendly banter, then disappeared again.
The second was someone I've been on a few dates with. I contacted him around 2pm, and didn't hear back until after 9pm. I responded with a clever, yet fun and inviting text, and then heard nothing again for 45 minutes.
To me, I have come to expect a text message in maybe 3-4 hours after the initial text. I could be way out of the ballpark on this one, but 13 days? 7 hours? In my honest opinion, this doesn't say to me, "I like you." I am open for discussion, but my point of view is that communication, especially silence, tells more than we think it does. While I firmly believe that "...a wise man knows when to shut up." I also believe that a fool takes a long time to text back.
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