Just this:

http://markmanson.net/fuck-yes

Your reverse doesn't work

Tonight I found myself screaming to the heavens, "I give, I won't fucking date anymore" amidst tears on my drive home.

I had gone on a few dates with a handsome smart fellow (a few of you know him as "Sea Urchin Boy") who had cooked me dinner a couple of times with fish he caught himself spearfishing, and was very excited to teach me to free dive. The dinners were very romantic, by a roaring fire, or on his roof with Christmas lights and blah blah blah.

Despite the above, I realized he was more interested in teaching me to free dive than date me. Then tonight he had asked to come to my show. Odd, I thought, but whatever... I've had enough people flake on this very hard to get tickets to event that I'll invite him.

After, he invited me over to cook me lobster tail he caught. Zuh? I probed my friend for the meaning of this and she suggested he saw me on stage, got reinterested and wanted to hang out. Ok, cool.

We go back to his place for an amazing dinner of lobster, mac n'cheese, spinach and mint juleps. Its romantic and lovely and blah blah blah (can you tell I'm annoyed). We start to get hot and heavy, I give him one of my amazing back massages, he gives me a mediocre one (yeah, that's right, I said it!); make out continues, and then he starts discussing serious stuff. He likes being affectionate with me, but he's seeing other people, doesn't want to rush into a relationship, ya know, over-analyzing like I tend to do, but I don't do it out loud to the person!

I put on the brakes, told him I was surprised by tonight, he'd been pretty platonic recently. Yeah he agrees. So I tell him I've actually stopped dating because of this stuff. (Not meaning just him in particular), and that I want someone who is as passionate about me as he is his other hobbies (like free diving). He understands, ask if I want to talk about it, and even has the gall to say, 'You will find someone.'

Here is where I say I'm leaving. He seemed to want me to stay, but there is no way in hell I'm letting my bruised ego suffer more for a lay. The unfortunate part in all this (ok, the least unfortunate part) is that today my car decided never to go in reverse again. So of course I'm parked behind him in his carport and he has to push my car out...while I'm trying to retain my dignity and fight back tears of so much continuous rejection (and anger at my car).

He is a gentleman and helps, asks if we can go diving again. 'Of course' I gracefully reply. Then fight the urge to respond to his text message about driving safe and thanks for a 'special evening' by saying "Eat a dick".

Sigh. He is a good guy, but he didn't feel passion for me. And I don't want someone who doesn't want to see me more than every few weeks, and won't make out with me underwater when we free dive. But for fucks sake, can the universe stop reeling me in only to toss me back with flesh wounds? I can't take it anymore!!!

Here and Now

It has been a while since my last post and I am debating on summing up the last few months in one foul swoop, or doing flash back blogs. Before we make any decisions here's the here and now:


I am taking a break from dating.


My ego has been bruised way too many times recently and it needs to heal. I am instead going to buy a stand up paddle board and spend some time in the ocean (all mermaid-like).
 
Ok, I've made a decision to do some recap posts and just discuss the most recent (tonight's) events. The head chef at the restaurant I work at, had become a friend of mine. Every once in a while we go out for food and drinks after work and typically discuss the restaurant "bidness". On one of these excursions, we went to a local restaurant where he knows the partial owner/owner's son who manages the place somewhat. I became interested in said person, asked him out and got no response (via text).



(Makes the "whatever" sign with her hands, followed by the "L" for Looser hand signal... ego only slightly bruised).



The next time we go to this establishment, the guy is all over me, we're flirting, drinking, taking care of my drunk chef, etc. At one point he smoothly does the passionate kiss against the bar while chef is out of the room thing. Hijinks ensue.

But, turns out he's nuts. As in, freak out while I'm over at his place anxiety attack after said hijinks. So, I leave. Don't hear back from him. Tell myself I avoided a difficult situation with a spoiled baby man boy and I deserve better. (Some ego scratches, will heal)


We visited the restaurant some time later, everything was actually very casual, no awkwardness. I do my usual text follow up with baby man boy, don't really hear much back. No biggie.

Then today, chef tells me spoiled man boy got fired. I could only guess why, but still didn't want to hear it. Ego has been sufficiently bruised (due to other events to be discussed later), so much so that even touching it hurts. Yes, the partial owner had a 3 way with some of his waitresses, his older brother (super owner) found out and FIRED HIS OWN BROTHER!! Kind of glad, kind of disgusted that I went there.

So what happens now? Baby boy continues to live off his family's riches (seriously, he owns a yacht) and I wish that I had stole one of his surfboards when I had the chance (he has a second bedroom just to store all of them in).

I explain the ego bruising to the chef and he feels bad, explains that he warned me (did he?) and made me feel worst (grrrrr). I mope a bit, don't to any dinosaur impersonations for him, and keep working. He notices and lets me in on something... One of his handsome friends, who comes into our restaurant, likes me. Oh, the good looking one? Yes. Oh, the one who always comes in with model sized girls...?

Yes.



Thanks, but not really. I appreciate it, but lets be honest, I don't have time for that shit.